So I learned my lesson.

The last few days people have been putting stuff out in their yards for bulk pick day. It's one of my favorite times of the year. It's so exciting all the things you can find. So, I get a phone call from one of my friends and he tells me about a sweet find just under the hill. It's a few old school looking big wheels tricycles. You know, the ones for little kids? There were 4 of them and he figured we could fix them up and do something cool with them. I find the spot, pretty close to the corner of Barton Springs and Boldin, and start loading the newly found treasures up. I get one in the back of my jeep and I see this old man with a limp walking briskly towards me. Me, being the sweet sweet Chloe I am (heh), smiles and greets the gimp old man with a friendly, "How are ya?"
"Just gettin some bikes," he replies flatly.
Oooooh, I thought to myself. Crap.
"Ok," I hesitated. "Well...(elongate the L)We can half them." I offered with a shrug.
Never again will I compromise so easily with a stranger. Right after that, the man reached into the pile of goodies. He grabbed the two bikes that were clearly in the best shape and starts walking off, leaving me with the clearly crappiest one.
"Ummm." I said as I looked sadly at the bike.
He turns back around and looks me dead in the eye. "That's two, right?" He says in a stern, rhetorical tone.
He knows what he has done.
My response was quiet and pathetic, I'm sad to report, and the old man walked away with the bikes.

So why the heck didn't I stand up for myself?
I didn't want to half the bikes with this stranger.
Why did I do it?
I was there first. I honestly didn't even have to offer the douche anything and it wasn't until he was gone that I realized what I let him get away with. I had been a push over. That dirty man walked all over my kindness.

So I learned my lesson. Next time I find myself in a situation like that the outcome will certainly NOT be the same. Fire will blow out of my mouth and my hair will turn into snakes before the perpetrator walks away.

Oh life. Thanks for teaching me, I'm a quick learner. I wont let you down.


-Chloe

Not my blog, not my problem

What is it with people saying sorry all the time?! It's getting on my nerves. Honestly, I'm concerned. Why is everyone so sorry? Like just now, I'm at Bouldin sitting by a plug and rather than saying "excuse me" the girl that needed to plug in her cord said "sorry" and more than once. Now I feel obligated to tell her it's OK or no worries when it's not. I'm in no position to console this stranger. Just say, "Excuse me." or "Pardon me." Better yet, don't say anything to me. I don't know you. I don't want to talk to you. I'm angry now. All I want to do is stick my tongue out at that sorry girl sharing a plug with me. She is sorry and the pink bow on her underwear is tacky. Whatta tacky, sorry girl. SEE! That's what happens when you go around telling people you're sorry. Sheesh! I'm never saying sorry again.

Oh! I gotta funny text from an old friend. They called me a tree skank. So funny. Clever little douche bag. It made my day.

My friend showed me this video and I love it. If you have seen, good for you. If not, here ya go.



Have a nice day,
Chloe

Quick.

I plugged in a sewing machine I borrowed from a friend, pushed the foot peddle and I'm super intrigued! I wonder if it's innate. Gosh I wish I would have gotten my grandparents to teach me. I'm hoping it's in my genes. :)

I painted my bike. It's way cool. Got to play with some chemicals. Got a blister on my thumb. I'll post a picture later.

I hate waiting. Especially when I have things I'm looking forward to doing.

Babies are not cute, they are weird.

Mucho gusto,
Chloe

We will call him Boy.

About 2 weeks ago I got asked out on a date.

It was a lovely day at work when Boy bumped into me. I immediately put on a friendly smile to greet the familiar nervous face I saw 6 months earlier in the same place. "How ya doing?", "Good to see you." and "Have a good day," was how the conversation went. He had already started to walk away when he turned back around and approached me again. He took a deep breath, stood 5 feet away form me, stiffened his arms by his sides, clenched this pants and said, "Would you maybe want to go to dinner with me?" I ran the options through my head and finally I shrugged and said, "Sure. I'll going to dinner with you."
"Really?! Are you sure?"

wow.....

Any other time I would have said no to avoid the awkwardness of meeting someone new in traditional way but for some reason I shrugged my shoulders and said sure. I don't date, not to mention I was in no way attracted to him *sigh* but he had the balls to ask so I gave him that much. So we set the date up and I agreed to me him Saturday for a flick downtown at the Alamo Draft House.

Long story short, I show up for the date and he was holding a stuffed bunny. Its pastel blue so it was an Easter bunny. It wasn't until we sat down that he formally asked me to accept the bunny. So crookedly smiled and took the bunny and watched the show.

I thanked him for the date and he thanked me and told me that it was a very rare occurrence for him and I totally understood why.

Needless to say I told Boy that I wasn't interested in going on another date with him and we parted ways. However, I wonder if his extreme lack of social skills and "game" will inhibit him to ever have another date no matter how good his heart is. It's admirable but not attractive.
Should I worry?

Neh...



We went out after and had ourselves a nice time.
And I'll probably never go on another date again.

Signed,
Caring Chloe

If I had one, I'd only ever ride it naked.

So instead of having cable and internet at home I have an iPhone. It seems to work out just fine till I wanna post a blog. So here I am at my favorite coffee shop dirty chai-ing it up.

Where should I begin? Ah! I was told by some random person on the streets that whales are so big you can walk through their penis hole. Holy shit! Now, I dont know how accurate that is considering my sources and I haven't done any extensive research on it but think about how freaking crazy huge that would make the whale! I'd like to believe it. I'd never do it, but I'd like to believe it.

It's hot outside. I'm sweating. It's April. I'm ecstatic about Summer.

I just saw about 12 Segways roll by the window. They give tours downtown all the time. I can't help but giggle (and sometimes point) at how those people unknowingly subject themselves to ridicule. Think about it. On any TV show (Weeds, South Park, Dancing with the Stars, etc.), if a Segway is involved it's for humorous purposes. If I had one, I'd only ever ride it naked or... well just naked I guess. Any hoo, in any situation, add a Segway naked or not, it becomes instant humor. They are odd and nerdy. Rich fat people own them. I thank them for keeping me entertained but, for any purposes in Austin, I say ride a bike.

With that said, I'm off to get my wheels trued. Anyone down for tearing the streets of Austin up with me give me a hollar!!!!

With some of my heart,
Chloe

Isn't that how the rich stay rich?

I'm super stoked about this 3 day weekend.Thank you President's Day. Yep, 3 whole days of doin what I want. Cept for sometimes I don't really know what I want, especially when we comes to matters of the dang heart. I think I may kinda like being bitter towards everyone that has someone. I find myself mentally biting my thumb at couples. It's really hard to think they are "cute". I honestly give couples the stink eye. But is that really healthy? And why? I'm kidding. Those are useless questions. Because until that Mr. Right comes and sweeps me off my feet, I'm going to continue crossing my arms and turning up my nose at those smelly lovers that haunt the public places I venture to daily. Man, I wanna take their oooghy gooey, lovey doveyness and bottle it up. Then, hide it in my closet so no one can find it because if I can't have it, no one else should. Isn't that how the rich stay rich? *Gasp! I could be the love dealer! Kind of like a much more witty and cleaver cupid. Oh oh! Or the Robin Hood of love. THAT'S what I would do; I'd take that bottled gooshy stuff (that lovers obviously have too much of) and give it to the people that don't have any (with a return policy, of course). Well, not just give. I'd make them pay or trade something for it. Just because I feel like if that "stuff" could be marketed, there would be a large demand for it and I'm sure obtaining it would have to involve a magical spell or sumthin along those lines least. Hey! I'm seeing an opportunity to get tangible profit here. Things are looking up! So, all you lovers out there should think twice before you put that stray hair behind her ear and hide your stupid kissy wisses and small of the back touching from me if you don't want me to take it cuz I'm googleing spells and ordering jars right now.

Lonely and bored,

Chloe

We'll go by paragraphs.

My charger to my computer has been out of commission for a bit so I haven't been able to blog as much as I would like. Now that I have my charger, you guys will be glad to know that I have been taking note of my days and jotted down some interesting things to blog about. I'm going to knock them all out in one blog. This is what the note reads:

THINGS TO BLOG
*The half of a deviled egg sold at Merphy's Deli
*Hipster Hunting
*Pregnant homeless man
*My fortune cookie that was empty
*Recent nail biting
*Artificial sweetener in my coffee this morning
*How the soap that the car wash smelled better than my shampoo
*Trident gum w/ layers commercial

We'll go by paragraphs.

The whole individual half of a deviled egg being sold threw me off one day before work. While I was looking for a cheap breakfast taco one morning, I strolled into Merphy's Deli downtown on Congress. I never go in there because of how overly priced they are but I figured as desperate I was for some damn black beans, I'd give it a shot. It was a cute set up and smelled nice and when I saw that they had breakfast taco's for $2, I let out a sigh of relief. So there I was, a whole person, waiting in line to order my whole breakfast taco and I look down and they are selling half a deviled egg. Never have I ever. THEN, it pissed me off when I looked at the bottom of it to find out the price was a whole dollar. The day before I'd bought a whole dozen eggs for 99 cents (less than a whole dollar)! Anyways, the moral of this story iiiiiiiiis: Never trust a guy with hairy legs.

I have been trying to understand what a hipster is for a while now and I'm getting better at it. If you don't know what a hipster is either, then A; you yourself are a hipster or B; you better start studying now because it takes a good long time before you can accurately point your finger at a hipster. Hipsters are very questionable creatures. Many qualities make up a true hipster and when I feel I am able to undoubtedly distinguish one without fault, then, only then will I be able to take over Russia. To insure this stays in line with my future plans, I went hipster hunting.

The red head could almost be a hipster but I think hipster can only hang out with other hipsters.
I think...

Ok, So this one has a classic hipster bag and clearly doesn't care that I'm taking her picture.


This one, I totally has the hipster posture and I'm thinking the denim jacket tops it off.

These two I'm not sure. The guy is trying too hard which in fact, makes you not a hipster.
(see, it's hard!)

I think these two exemplify what I was trying to capture on my hunt.
Immediately after this picture was taken the 2 suspects were taken into custody and tortured by the Prime Minister of Narnia.

I'm pretty sure I saw a homeless man wearing a maternity belly under his clothes. I was briefly concerned.

I'm always excited to get fortune cookies. One day (at band camp) a while ago, I made all my friends open theirs first because I wanted to save the best for last. When it got to my turn, I didn't have a fortune in my cookie. I was scared.

I have started biting my nails again.

After not using artificial sweetener for 6 months, you can totally taste the difference. I had to make a new cup of coffee.

I rode past a car wash on my bike the other day. The one right on Congress and Riverside to be exact. The soap for the cars smelled so strong it almost hurt. Why on earth do you need fragrance in you car soap? Some people don't even like fragrance for their body soap. Man alive people, first half a deviled egg, now this! Straight madness. So this is what I have to say to all those people with the good smelling car exteriors: When I take over Russia and turn all of their army into my personal ninja ballerina minions, I'm coming for you. Coming for you and those damn hipsters full force. My advice to you is to invent a new drug that makes you invisible and impenetrable. Thank you bye.


And now, watch this.